Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
