i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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