I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
