I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
