mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
