apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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