Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit