She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins