My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.