also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.