She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
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On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup