Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.