i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
