There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
