Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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