he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
