You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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