happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
