I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
