What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
