I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
