weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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