so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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