Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
