you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
