I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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