Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
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I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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