I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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