life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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