shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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