He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
