I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She announced her abortion via fbk
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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