get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
