i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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