***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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