I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
