Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
