the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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