um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
