Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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