Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You're like the curious george of whores
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
