I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
