well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The power of my boobs compel you
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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