Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
