So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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