He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
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I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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