I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize