I wish I could teleport
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
there's paper in my vomit.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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