you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
