Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
