i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
