you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
