i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
