His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
