Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
