I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize