clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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