Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
