I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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