What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
