for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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