I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
